Untitled

Glass half full!

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 00:23:49 -0400

I’m a glass-half-full kind of guy, so when people ask me, “How the f*ck did you get that drunk?”, I say, “No amigo, the real question is how did I get this sober.”. But when I’m high, I’m always lying on the floor, so when someone asks, “You’re that high?”, I just say “Dumbass.”

"I’d say if one was so desperate for a six-pack, he’s really just not sure if he’s..."

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 23:17:00 -0400

““I’d say if one was so desperate for a six-pack, he’s really just not sure if he’s masculine enough, thus his thoughts that six packs are necessary. Why do you wanna build one anyways? 7-Eleven’s right across the street. I’m pretty sure they even have 12-packs.” - Benjamin, (1995-2012)”

of suicide...

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 05:36:57 -0400

Death. Am I scared of it? No. I was raised that way. My grandfather taught me to face eath as it is, and be balanced with other levels of the world. So now, here I am, reckless, with no fear of death, stupid and smart at the same time, with more senses than a normal person has.

A whole chunk of my life- no, my whole life, has been full of weird shit. My mother’s crazy for perfection, my dad’s an awesome chill bloke, and my sister the Jerry to my Tom. I have friends, which I can’t mention. We run together as a squad, as a chalk. We drink, eat, drive, and whatnot at the same restaurants, functions, pubs, and the same shooting ranges. Seems pretty normal till you live it.

Suicide. I, look normal, if not England-ish, as some say. Many would say I’m the innocent genius kid senior. No sir, I look like a kid, but I have the same mind as my 20-yr-old friends do. And more than once have I looked at death as a solution.

I don’t fear death. Many a time, when in depression or heavy stress, I’d sneak to my friend’s place, find his semi-auto or revolver, and drive off to some remote place. I still remember the taste of the metal in my mouth, the pressure of the snout against my head. I’d put my finger against the trigger, and my life would flash before me, then I’d hear a click.

My friends know my tendency to over think things, and just want to leave it behind, so they’d always leave their guns empty, at least their sidearms, where I know to find them. So every time I’d try, I get a click to tell me ‘Dude, you’re young. Live, die later.’ It works. My friends would watch me every time, and as I awoke from depression, they’d pat me on the back, and hand me a beer.

Some friends they were.

The Second Life

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 13:15:14 -0400

The Alter Ego. The Dark Side. The Second Life. All three, in certain cases are one. In mine? The last two. Outside, I’m England. On the other side, I’m me. It was hard adjusting to it in the first place. Then I got used to it. But what I found harder, was to adjust to the fact that I renounced it. I kept trying to come back to it. And it almost pushed me off the cliff known as Sanity into the chasm of Insanity. It screwed around with my life. Having a shitload of money in one life, and being an average joe in the other, is hard to adjust to very. It’s around two and a half years since I decided to put an end to it. And after trying to go back, after trying to revert, and after a few unfortunate in incidents, I finally succeeded in sailing into friendly waters and anchoring myself there. In doing so, I dragged down many casualties. Relations, friendships, and my friends themselves.

As anchors are, they can be removed. I have, a couple of times, thought of doing so. But then I thought back, of how hard it was for me to get anchored here. But what if, the tides grasp me once more? What if the waves plunge me into the deepest darkest chasms in the sea of chaos? There is nothing, I suppose, nothing I can do, except believe, that in chaos lies order, sanity, and peace, and try to follow, and hang on that lifeline in the darkness. But I sure don’t hope it will come to that.

Dear father...

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 11:51:00 -0400

Hey dad, It’s your son. I just wanted to say something to you. You may have not be the perfect father to me in the eyes of other people, you may not be the best guy someone else has met, but to me dad, you’re a great father. In fact, you’re my perfect father. As tough as you can be at times, as angry as I am with you, I still love you dad. You’re a great guy. That’s a fact that to me, will never change. I love you pops. Thank you dad, and happy father’s day.

Lots of Love,

England

P.S. and dad, my answer to your question all those years ago, is no, I am not embarrassed to hug you in public, walk with you in public, etc. Because you’re a great father, and I am not embarrassed to have a great father.

February 2012

Sat, 03 Mar 2012 20:08:03 -0500

And just like that, February dies, and gives way to March. February had been quite a rough month for me.

Early in the month, on the 5th, to be precise, a close friend of mine died of stress and heavy alcohol poisoning. Quite a shock it was. He just turned 17 in January. I spent the next two weeks helping with his funeral and wrap up all the loose ends he left.

The week after, was Valentine’s day. The Prom Committee, which I am a part of, had to arrange the roses, free clothes day, etc. So long story short, we all had quite some work to do, especially me and San San, my co-president in the PC.

The weekend of Valentines (18-19th), I got drunk. I mean drunk, as in senselessly drunk. In my history of drinking, never have I gotten so drunk that I couldn’t think straight. I then went on to make a couple of stupid sentences on twitter, and drank some more. I only fell asleep Sunday noon. For the next two weeks, I was plagued by headaches as a result of a night of heavy drinking. After one week of hellish torment of headaches, on the 26th of February, I swore to never in my life ever drink as heavily as I did. And also to put off whisky for a whole month.

The same day I made the Alcohol Promise, I got a new BlackBerry. And I bought my sister one. Problem was, we had to drive all the way to Cibubur to find a store with tbe product we wanted.

My father’s birthday was on the 28th, and we got a ton of cake.

So that’s February.

The first highlights of March, were my aunt’s birthday, and the wound I obtained on my thigh.

"The best doctor to be, is a heart doctor. Cause if your patient dies, you just blame it on their..."

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 00:47:58 -0500

“The best doctor to be, is a heart doctor. Cause if your patient dies, you just blame it on their heart.”

- Dad

Sis: BLOODY HELL (with a fake ass british accent)

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 00:27:48 -0500

Sis: BLOODY HELL (with a fake ass british accent)
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAH
Sis: What's so funny huh? (Still with the accent)
Me: HHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Sis: whaaaaa-_-
Me: hhahahah...
SIs: Oka-
Me: BUAHAHAHAHAH!
Sis: STOP LAUGHING! (Accent's still there)
Me: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!
Sis: STOP LAUGHING!!!! (accented)
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Sis: Why are you laughing anyway??!! (heavily accented, pissed)
Me: Yer... BWAHAHAHAHAH... accent HUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Sis: (-_-#)
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!
Sis: What now? (accent gets more ridiculous)
Me: BWHAHAHAHAHAH yer face is hilarious BWAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAH
Sis: Щ(°Д°Щ)
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH
Sis:
Me: oh hell my stomach hurts from laughing BWAHAHAHAHAHAH
Sis: okay okay okay stop it okay. (accent gone)
Me: Ok
Sis: Ok
Me: K
Sis: L
Me: huh? oh. M
Sis: N
Me: O Nvm

End of da year

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 21:45:36 -0500

Well, it’s been quite a year for me. Skipped a grade, my dear great-grandmother’s deeath(may she rest in peace), broke up with a longtime girlfriend, cheated on, , etc, etc, etc. Point is, that its been a challenging year. Nevertheless, it has been, in some ways, quite enjoyable. I’ll miss the good, bad, sad, happy things that’ve happened this year. And oh, some say the world’s gonna end in more or less a year. I think the Mayans just didnt have time to count 2013, but well, we’ll see. Anyways,

Merry Christmas

and Happy New Year.

I love you honey. It's clear as glass; the truth is, I love you.

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 08:31:24 -0500

Bull. Shit. One of the damned sweet little phrases Anne used on me. Maybe she did love me when she said it, but later, instead of me breaking hers, she broke mine. What she broke? The Heart.

She’s a nice girl. I loved her, and never expected she’d do what she did. I thought she was, was, it just never crossed my mind that someone like her would betray anyone. Then she did it. I was surprised when I found her with him, in her room. Shocked I was. Not knowing what to do, I just when right home, and hell, I didnt know what to do. I just stood in my backyard, as if looking at the trees, with my mind flushed out, empty of everything, except confusion.

The next day, I took her out for a “date”. Broke up with her, and left her there.

Bout a month later, I got this girl. Terry. we were fine at first, everything went smoothly, but I was still in shock. I had long episodes of thought, and eventually, it started bringing me and Terry apart. Eventually, we never even talked anymore. And during the pathetically short relationship, I never brought the subject of Anne up. It was just painful. And because of the pain, I kept on going back to the last truly happy moment I had with a girl, Jen. It brought forth many, many memories, and with it, many, many emotions. It just welled up inside me. It was just. Too. Painful.

Sleepless. For five days already.

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 05:59:25 -0400

Had to survive without enough sleep for five days. In five days, I have slept barely 8 hours. This has gotten me moody, and after dinner, I would lose almost all the memory of what happened afterwards, retaining only small fragments. I. Need. To. Sleep.

A dialogue I just wrote up.

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 05:53:13 -0400

Girl: It's never the stab that kills. It's the bleeding.
Boy: ...
Girl: Why did you leave me bleeding to death?
Boy: I couldn't kill you...
Girl: What do you mean you can't kill me?!!
Boy: I didn't want to hurt you...
Girl: Then why did you do it?!!
Boy: Because I love you.
Girl: ?
Boy: I love you. I hurt you so that you would bleed. So that another man may come along and save you. Hold you in his arms
Girl: But...
Boy: I thought that I wasn't good enough for you. That I might hurt you even more
Girl: Then you should've just killed me.
Boy: What do you mean?
Girl: You should've delivered the blow straight to my heart. Killed me with the truth.
Boy: I can't. It pains me to see you hurting like this.
Girl: It also pains me, that you even thought of hurting me.
Boy: It was because I love you! I didn't want you to get hurt even more! It was the easiest way to let you go, yet so painful.
Girl: I loved you too!
Boy: You should just go home. It's been done.
Girl: But... just tell me
Boy: What more do you have to know?!
Girl: Just tell me, do you still love me?
Boy: ...
Girl: Just tell me!
Boy: Yes. Are you satisfied? I left, I shoved you away, because I love you!
Girl: Then tell me. Why couldn't we be together? Why did you have to shove me away?
Boy: Because...
Girl: Because...

to be continued.

I dunno what the time or date is.

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 06:56:42 -0400

Just got back from the US. Had good fun. San Fran, Fresno, Vegas, Bakerfield, Los Angeles. T’was great. Worst thing about this trip, is the damn jetlag. Oh, and the cramped backseat of the car. As bad as it was, it was good.

peachesville: This is Sophia. She is three years old and was a...

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 07:11:43 -0400

peachesville:

This is Sophia. She is three years old and was a beautiful, kind little girl. On Saturday morning, she was beaten and raped by her mother’s boyfriend. She was beaten to the point of major head trauma and was on life support until yesterday afternoon, where she passed away. Arrests have STILL not been made on the boyfriend or the mother, who told the police she had choked on food and waited an hour before calling the cops, using the time to clean Sophia up. She’s been with the boyfriend since this happened, and hasn’t done anything to help Sophia’s case.

CHILD ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY. Every day, children are beat and molested, and Sophia isn’t the first and will not be the last to endure something like this. PLEASE REBLOG AND GET THE WORD OUT. Our town is very small and we want to raise as much awareness for child abuse as possible. This has changed our community and we are all beyond upset.

There’s nothin wrong with this picture rite? I mean,...

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 10:54:36 -0400

There’s nothin wrong with this picture rite? I mean, it’s just two PANDAS crawling around. Right?

Angelica: Jack! Wait! I have to tell you something.

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 10:51:00 -0400

Angelica: Jack! Wait! I have to tell you something.
Jack: Go on.
Angelica: I love you. Ever since the very first day we met.
Jack: And so do I.

From Pirates of the Caribbean - On Stranger Tides

Sunday, August 28th 2011, 1745 hrs

Sun, 28 Aug 2011 06:51:31 -0400

So, it’s Idul Fitri holiday, so first, Selamat Idul Fitri 1432H, Mohon Maaf Lahir dan Batin.

Holiday’s been okay so far, haven’t gotten into another fight with my parents up to my neck in homework and projects, finished some of the homework, did barely any of my projects. Got ideas for art, but limited materials, so I’m stuck. Gotta start finishing em.

For some reason memories of Kristine are coming back to me, and I find it oddly comforting.

May be going to Las Vegas, Ontario, or Perth during this holiday.

I am also thinking of concepts and schedules for the 2011 Christmas Party. Don’t know if it’ll even happen, but better to be ready.

My wireless, I guess is okay. When it works, lightning speeds of 300Mbps. When it doesnt, 54Mbps on/off connection. Gotta look into that too.

Saturday, 20th August 2011 1803 hrs

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 07:03:20 -0400

The start of the new school year has been, a tiny bit worse than “okay”.

I started dating someone new on 21st July. Her name’s Anne, her father’s European, her mother’s Javanese.

I’ve been having arguments with my parents increasingly, I finished my Johnnie Walker and Guiness, and I started drinking alcohol 96.

I’ve been having strange dreams lately, about breaking up with Anne, repeatedly. I ended up sleeping once every 2 nights to avoid them. But it seems that it was useless. Now I am on the brink of the end of another relationship. I really didn’t expect it to end so fast.

My drinking habits have obviously returned. With proper alcoholic drinks finished, I started consuming medical alcohol. It got me drunk and dizzy since Wednesday. Should get more proper drinks when I have time.

My cooking habit’s coming back though, and I’m starting off with cooking dinner for me and Canyon tonight.

Photo

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 06:50:49 -0400

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Sat, 20 Aug 2011 06:12:50 -0400

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